Shopping Partners…

kanyeThe expression I need to perfect

I meant to go to the supermarket much earlier today but it felt like such a task to leave home. I finally decided that this bum behaviour was not going to cut it and unwillingly dragged myself out of the house at minutes to 9. I threw on my jeans and a T-shirt with a sweater, and looked presentable enough to be seen in public, but not enough to really be seen if you get what I mean. I just wanted to be in and out like Casper and not bump into anyone I know.

I got to the supermarket and was going down an aisle when the unthinkable happened…I heard someone say, “Hi there!” I reluctantly turned around only to see a man who I didn’t know giving me the biggest smile. “Not today sir, not today,” I said in my head. I looked at him quite blankly and hoped that would shut him down, but nope, no such luck.

Man: Can I shop with you?
Me: What? What do you mean? (pushing cart and walking away while asking, so clearly not interested in the response)
Man: You know…we shop together.
Me: Why would we do that?
Man: (Now pushing his trolley and walking alongside me…ugh) Well, you can help me shop.
Me: I’m sure you don’t need any assistance. I’m certain you do this all the time.
Man: Well, I’m not usually the person who does the shopping.

Of course I start thinking that probably means he has a wife or girlfriend at home, and here he is harassing me. Hmmm.

Man: I’m Chris. What’s your name? (By now we’ve walked down two aisles and I’m wondering if my expression isn’t accurately conveying my thoughts…go away)
Me: Krystal (My tried and true fake name that I’ve been using for years. The Lord must be tired of hearing me lie)
Man: So how old are you Krystal? I’m not quite twice your age. (Ahhh I see what you did there. Drawing for that Shabba song, trying to be funny)
Me: Not twice my age. Are you sure about that?
Man: You look about 23.
Me: Nope

He deliberates further about my age.  We’ve now gone down yet another aisle and I realize it seems we really are ‘shopping together.’  I purposely stopped at the mayonnaise and took an agonizingly long time. Decisions, decisions…Hellmans or Kraft, oh and there are all these different sizes. Glass or plastic? Hahaha.

Man: So I’m not even going to ask you for your number, because I know you’re going to say no. (Yaaay! My expressions seem to be working again. He knew not to even ask)
Me: You’re right.
Man: Instead, I’m going to ask you to take my number. (Really Slick Rick?)
Me: Umm no. How about you just look out for me whenever you’re at the supermarket. You might just see me again. You never know. (While writing this I remembered the time I gave a guy the first 6 digits of my number and told him he would just have to figure out the seventh. Believe it or not, I got a call from him. My number ends with an 8 :/)
Man: They say lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice.
Me: I don’t know what to tell you then. Just hope for a coincidence.

Well, he went off on his way and I continued without my shopping partner. What have I learned? One, I need to work on my expressions; they aren’t effectively portraying my thoughts.  Two, it could have been that I bumped into someone I actually know, so this ‘I hope I don’t see anyone I know’ really doesn’t cut it.

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