How The Lizard Stole Good Friday

Lizard Meme

My fear of lizards is here to stay. There’s no getting over it. Somehow one found its way into my room yesterday through a window that the mesh frame needs to be fixed back onto. I wasn’t worried about anything getting in since I don’t open the window. Well, it seems there is a space big enough for lizards to get through. I heard a rustling by my window and from the sound alone I started freaking out imagining that it was probably a lizard. I ran and got the broom before moving the curtain so I could be prepared. With my heart racing (literally), I moved the curtain and there it was on the wall. I immediately started freaking out. I gingerly moved closer to the window so that I wouldn’t frighten the darn thing and slowly slid it open, hoping the lizard would run out. No such luck. I tapped the broom beside it on the wall. All now it nuh move -_- Since it was being stubborn I realized I would need to actually touch it with the broom. Ugh! I barely touched it and instantly the thing flew, yes flew off the wall and ran under my bed!!!! One big chuck off from the wall, similar to when Shaunae Miller dived across the finish line to beat Allyson Felix.

My freaking out reached the next level because now that it was on the ground it meant it could run anywhere in the house and get lost, and ain’t no way me and it living in here together. To make matters worse, even though I saw it go under my bed, when I bent down and looked there was no lizard to be seen. I simply HAD to find it and get it out, but first, serious precautions had to be taken. I closed my bathroom door and ran for newspaper and stuffed it under the door. I was taking no chances, and if it meant I would have to close the bathroom door and stuff newspaper under it each time I went in and out, then so be it. I then rolled up a large carpet I have on my bedroom floor so that if I needed to push the lizard out with the broom there would be nothing in the way. I moved everything that could possibly hinder my mission; shoes, dresser, you name it.

Feeling certain there was nothing it could run behind or into, I did what any person with an irrational fear of lizards would do. Don’t judge me…I removed the pillow cases from my pillows, took the sheet off my mattress and then umm I kinda sorta took the mattress off the bed too. I said don’t judge me :/ With the way my lizard paranoia works, it was a feasible thought to me that since I didn’t see the lizard under the bed, it may somehow be chilling out in my sheet or my pillows or even under the mattress (Yes, I know how silly that sounds). I moved the base of the bed and voila! Out ran the lizard. It ran towards the curtains. They touch the ground so it pretty much got lost in them. I moved the curtain, hoping it would just run out into the open and then I could shove it outside. Nope, it ran over to the curtains by another window. Frisky little bugger.

This clearly wasn’t going to be an easy task. I thought about going for KP to have her put her cat skills to work, but then I remembered the last time she ignored me in my plight with another lizard outside. Clearly I needed reinforcement of the human kind so I made a call, the whole time keeping my eyes glued to the lizard so I would know exactly where it went if it decided to sprint again. “Can you get a lizard out of my room please?” Thankfully the answer was in the affirmative. When he arrived I stayed a safe distance away and pointed to the wretched thing. “There it is!” I said. “This is what you’re afraid of?” he asked. It was on the curtain so he wrapped it up in there, opened the window, put the curtain through it and shook the lizard off outside. He turned to look at me and started laughing. “You really are afraid. Look at how you’re sweating.” Umm yeah, sweating and having heart palpitations. Call my fear of lizards irrational, but it’s definitely real. “I need you to seal me up in here. I don’t care what you have to do. Just seal me up so nothing else can get in.” “I can’t do that. You’d boil up in here,” he said. “I don’t care. I will boil up. Just seal me in here.” My request was met with more laughter.

I thanked him profusely for getting rid of the lizard then took matters into my own hands. I went outside and stuffed every part of the window I could with newspaper. Ain’t no way anything else getting in here with me.  Needless to say, I was exhausted at the end of the day. Moving around a dresser, mattress and so forth will do that to you. I’m just happy the problem is solved. I called my mother to tell her about ‘Operation Lizard’ and despite knowing how afraid I am of lizards, she just couldn’t make sense of it. “You took the mattress off the bed? But why?” “Mommy, I can’t explain. I just get crazy when I see lizards. Even my heart was racing.” “You really need to get over this fear,” she said. Well, I know for a fact I never will. As I started off with – My fear of lizards is here to stay. There’s no getting over it.

Advertisements

One comment on “How The Lizard Stole Good Friday

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s