Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

 

Sometimes

They say nice guys finish last. Does that go for nice girls as well? Should ‘nice’ be out for 2018? You know how guys get friend zoned?  Well, I’m the girl who gets told a million times that she’s ‘wife material’ but despite that I’ve never even made it out the starter blocks lol.  My friends say I pick the wrong ones and so I’m to blame for that.  They could be onto something.  To be fair to myself, I don’t realize what they’re like initially, but that being said, they do give me signs early enough that should tell me to back up and walk away.  I think you have to be careful of what you put out there though. There is perhaps such a thing as being too nice and thus allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Funnily enough, men seem quick to give effort to females who aren’t quite sugar and spice and everything nice though. Go figure.

Let’s take a walk through what I will refer to as my series of unfortunate events, or at least some of them.  They certainly weren’t funny at the time, but now I can look back and have a good laugh at them. Side note before you get going- my definition of ‘talking to’ does not equate to boyfriend/girlfriend status. It’s just the initial phase where you’re interested and getting to know each other. None of these made it past that.


But I Told You
A mutual friend told me that the guy I was talking to had a girlfriend.  Well, imagine my surprise.  I of course asked him about it and was told, “But I told you.” You know I hit the roof, right?  First of all he had told me diddly squat about having a girlfriend and then had the gall to lie and say he did.  Come on, how would I forget something like that? To add insult to injury, HE went off on ME about it. Huh?  Despite that, after quite some time passed I was able to forgive (maybe not forget since here I am blogging about it) and we were actually able to be friends.  In his defense, he was young at the time. Well, not that youth is a free pass, but hey…


The Disappearing Act
This guy would call me several times a day, every day.  That in itself is rare, isn’t it? No one calls anymore. It’s strictly messaging.  Anyway, I noticed the calls totally stopped and he wouldn’t pick up when I called either.  That was strange as we hadn’t had any quarrels or so forth.  I tried messaging to ask what the problem was and even that got no response. Well, after a while I saw a friend of his. The person had no idea that there was any interest on either side and so forth, and that we had been communicating.  They casually brought him up and said he migrated to be with his girlfriend.  Migrated? To be with who?  The girlfriend who I thought was just an ex he no longer had any ties to?  Remember though that the person didn’t know his friend had been pursuing me and I wasn’t going to reveal that at this point.  Thank God for my time in the performing arts as I had to act very uninterested and nonchalant and just say, “Oh really? How come?” He let me know that his girlfriend had ‘filed for him’ and that his papers came through so off he went. Can you say shocked?  In case you’re wondering, I never heard from him again. Not…one…word…


She’s Just a Friend
This is another good one.  You know when you get a funny feeling?  There’s just a gut feeling that tells you something isn’t right?  Well there was a guy who was interested in me but there was a girl who he seemed to always be entertaining.  Everything said something was up; my gut and my female intuition.  He would always deny it and insist that they were just friends. I asked about her repeatedly and was always given the same answer.  It just didn’t sit well with me; I wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth so one day I decided I’d just ask her what was up with them.  I figured I could get the truth from her.  Man, I wasn’t ready for her answer.  Her response was, “We’re together”.  Whoa! Listen, if she had slapped me it couldn’t have been worse.  So he’s naming the children he would like to have with me in the future, but is over there ‘together’ with this girl?  Joke was definitely on me because I thought it was her who was ‘the other woman’. Who would have thought it was really me? Dwl. Coincidentally, fast forward to today and one of the names that he had his heart set on turned out to be the name my sister chose for my sweet baby nephew.  I was like, “Lord, you have a real sense of humour”.  But I’m glad that the name now has a special and happy meaning for me, because I love my nephew to the moon and back.

Needless to say, things ended with the guy. Funnily enough, despite the fact that both the girl and I had gotten a raw deal, she still found it in her to give me attitude. She told me that we would just have to see which one of us he chooses. Umm really? To this day I remember my words to her – “You’re the only one in that rat race.  I’ve excused myself from it.  I’m not giving him the opportunity to choose.” Well he ‘chose’ her and that was that.

I won’t even lie. I definitely did my share of bawling and moping for this one. Looking back though, I’m like you know you REALLY overdid the crying on that one, right?  Like REALLY.


I Like your Friend
I was on the phone with my friend one day and she said that the person I was talking to had just sent her a text. It wasn’t a big deal to me because we were all friends. “Oh okay, what does he want?” She nervously explained that his text said that he didn’t mean to hurt me but he was actually interested in her and not me. Wait, wait…I wasn’t ready for it. He said what? Now that one came out of nowhere. I definitely didn’t see it coming because this same boy had been acting like he was interested in me. This one was quite a blow. Well, he started pursuing her and eventually started feeling that she wasn’t what he was looking for so it went nowhere.

A few years later I saw him at a party and I got the most heartfelt apology. It was the usual about me being such a sweet girl who didn’t deserve any of what happened. He really did seem sorry, but what was done was done. This was several years ago. We have managed to salvage a friendship (yup, the nice girl in me) and he’s now happily married. At least someone got a happy ending, right?


Waiting on the Right Time

This one I actually had no interest in initially.  He just wasn’t my type but he worked his charm (serious charm), until I ended up being interested. We got closer and closer, and one day a friend of his said, “You know you two would be so cute together if he didn’t have a fiancée.” ‘This can’t be happening,’ I thought.  I held my tongue until there was no one around and asked him about this fiancée who I had just been informed of.  Yes, it was true. He said that he had been waiting on the right time to tell me. Like really? Really? It perhaps wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been chasing him, but I had been going about my life and he made every effort to get my attention, all the while knowing that he could offer me nothing.

I’m just over here now like Jesus take the wheel, cause clearly I’m not doing such a great job. I met up with a friend recently and she cried.  Cried…like real tears.  She said she wants me to experience happiness and have someone who knows my value and treats me well. “You’re the sweetest person and you deserve to be happy,” she said.  I can’t even remember ever seeing her cry before and I’ve known her since childhood. Must be really bad, huh? Lol. I was talking to another friend one day and he reminded me that I bring a lot to the table.  My response – “Umm yeah, I may bring a lot to the table but what am I supposed to do if no one wants what’s on the menu?” Now what do you say to that? Hahaha. For real though, but you know what? Till then I will eat alone.

 

Have I finally learned my lesson? I hope so, but I can’t promise that I won’t maintain some of my ‘nice girl tendencies’, because that’s who I am and there may just be someone who deserves that part of me and will value it. What I can promise however is that I will be more cautious going forward and take heed when the warning signs pop up.

I can only hope that there’s something awesome in store, because I think I’ve had my fair share of ridiculousness.  Until that comes (if it ever does) I have other things to focus on.  Right now I’m working on self-actualization; I have so much untapped potential, and that’s my own fault to a great extent.  I’d really like to find out what my passion is; what it is that makes me feel fulfilled, because really and truly figuring out that piece of the puzzle is major in the pursuit of happiness. Everything else will fall into place.

Slow Down

happiness

There are times that I do things that make me think I’m either crazy or really tired.  I’d like to go with tired or even stressed out.  They sound better than crazy, right?  Tonight I got to the turn for my avenue and picked up my gate opener and proceeded to press it.  What was I doing?  Using it as my indicator.  I realized what I was doing and told myself I’m such an ass.  But what did I do when I got to my gate? I put on my indicator and wondered why the gate wouldn’t open. No, we’re still not going with crazy :p

I’m here thinking about other times I’ve done some things that were pretty out there; like one year on my birthday I went to the bank and accidentally wrote 1988, the year I was born, on the deposit slip. Who does that?  Then there are the times I catch myself writing ‘Regards, Jamaica’ at the end of an email.  While my name and Jamaica may have the same amount of syllables, my name most certainly is not Jamaica.

So after my indicator/gate opener fiasco tonight it got me thinking that I need to make an effort to slow down.  Just this weekend I promised to do so many things and I really just wasn’t able to keep up with everything. I overextended myself and ended up breaking a few promises which I feel really bad about.  Lesson to learn here?  Don’t bite off more than you can chew.  Sometimes you need to just stop for a minute.  Last year for my birthday I thought my cousin was trying to set me up with some guy I didn’t know. I very unhappily went with her to the restaurant; not amused that I would have to sit through listening to some random guy on MY BIRTHDAY.  I complained bitterly all the way there.  Who was waiting for me? Not a guy…it was my family and friends. Yup, she got me good!  Her reason for doing it? She said I’m always doing things for other people and I deserved for it to be about me for once.  Best believe I started crying the second I saw them. I am the biggest sap ever! Plus it really meant a lot to me.  I’m that girl who you can bring to tears with simple, thoughtful gestures.

On the note of doing things for others and being there for them, I’ve realized that sometimes slowing down can even mean pausing to reassess your relationships with people. Sometimes you end up putting yourself out there for individuals who are toxic to your life. While you stop to think about how your actions will affect them, you won’t get that same consideration from them.  Anyone who behaves like that doesn’t need to be in your life.  If you do keep them in your life, keep them at a distance, because they’ll only end up draining you emotionally and even physically.

Well, I’ve decided to go on a ‘Me Movement.’ No it doesn’t mean that I’m going to become self-absorbed and not care about anyone else.  It just means that I’m now making a conscious effort to dedicate some meaningful time to myself.  If I can do it for everyone else, why not for myself?

I’m going to leave you with ‘Slow Down’ from Kelissa.  #ImmaculateGirlMagic.  Can you tell I went to Immaculate? 🙂

 

Quarter Life Crisis Mode

my-friends-are-i7cn1q

As weddings/engagements and babies continue to flood the timelines of all my social media accounts, I wonder if there’s a memo that I didn’t get.  Everyone is #chillingwithbae (I hate that word by the way. Why did we go from babe to ‘bae’?) and #twobecamethree while I’m over here like #workflow.  I was at a good friend’s baby shower recently, and this was the topic of conversation as I sat chatting and catching up with high school friends.  We also spoke about how some of the girls getting married were genuine shockers because in high school they were known for being… well, you know, a bit on the loose side.  How then was it that these same girls are now sporting wedding rings? Well, high school was a long time ago, and people do change.  If they haven’t changed, hmm *sips tea*

So back to this memo. When was it issued? Did I get one but not notice it? Did I discard it somewhere in pursuit of fulfilling other important goals? I need answers. You know what?  I suppose it’s on me. I haven’t exactly created the ideal environment for meeting Prince Charming (He does exist, right?).  Here’s my life in a nutshell – work, home, supermarket.  How on earth did I go from looking forward to going out and having fun to being such a house rat?  I looooove staying in, so much so that it should be a crime (No really, it should be. It’s really bad; just give me Netflix and I’m fine).  I give in on rare occasions and agree to go out with friends but when the day comes I start wondering what the hell I was thinking and why on earth I agreed to go.  Unless Prince Charming shops at my supermarket and we happen to meet in an aisle, there may be no fairy tale ending to this story.  Plus, if I’m honest with myself I suppose I’m picky.  Not overly so (my cousin would disagree), but if I’m moving from ‘me’ to ‘we’ something has to be pretty darn special about you.  I’ve gotten so used to my own company that you better come with a hell of a resume if you want to be considered.  Oh gee, that sounded kinda ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ lol. Not very enticing.  No wonder Prince Charming hasn’t come out of the magic forest yet.

How about this though?  How about no more living in quarter life crisis mode? No more wondering if I’m on schedule or not.  How about just seizing the day and seeing where each day takes me?  Carpe diem, let’s give it a try…