Someone Come Get My Grandma

A little while back my grandmother had a far from subtle conversation with me about me taking the person I’m seeing to come and meet her. I had to stop her right there and tell her I am yet to meet him so there’s no way I can take him to meet her. How do I introduce her to a non-existent, mythical creature? Now she’s moved from that to asking me when she will have another great grandson. (My sister had the first and only great grandchild.) Can you tell me why my grandmother is watching my womb? Lol.

Below is a snippet from my conversation with her yesterday.

Grandma: Keep behaving and being the nice girl that you are and make sure you meet someone as nice as you are.

Usually she just tells me to behave and to be a nice girl. This time she had to throw in a little extra.

Me: Yes Grandma. You keep behaving too.

Grandma: And I hope soon I will get to meet my other great grandson. Ehem!

Bwahahaha. Can you say buss a big laugh?

Grandma: (Laughing) This is the first time I’ve heard you laugh like this. It sweet yuh!

Me: Well you’re giving me jokes.

Grandma: God spared me and allowed me to see my first great grandchild, and now I hope to see the other one.

Me: Bwoy Grandma…

Grandma: When are you coming to see me?

Me: Maybe on the weekend.

Grandma: Well, come with joy in your heart, and you can tell me about my great grandson.

Me: I hear you Grandma (more laughter)

Grandma could never begin to understand. I guess she’ll just have to continue waiting to be introduced to this mythical creature and continue watching my womb lol. I’m just over here doing me with no idea how anything will turn out.

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Know When To Zip It

There’s that famous saying – ‘Honesty is the best policy.’ Is it always?  I was in the supermarket the other day and a gentleman beside me was having a conversation with a lady I presumed to be his girlfriend.  Anyway, as I was so close to them I heard him say, “There’s nothing wrong with giving a compliment.  There’s nothing wrong with being honest.”  Suddenly he directs the conversation to me.  “Look at this lady right here (Umm this lady right here who’s minding her own business?). Miss, you look FANTASTIC! She does! There’s nothing wrong with telling her.”  Can you say awkward? I felt awkward for me AND for her.

I said thank you and couldn’t help but laugh.  Did he really just do that?  And why did I have to be the one he used to make a point? Lol.  I immediately looked at her to see if she was getting ready to take her earrings out and throw all one hundred pounds of me to the floor, but her face didn’t offer much expression.  Actually he ended up striking up a conversation with me and she walked off (still in the vicinity).  The man continued his point, saying he doesn’t see what’s wrong with being honest.  I told him that can actually get you in trouble sometimes so you have to learn when it’s best to say nothing at all.  Case in point, what he had just done.  Not every situation calls for you to voice what you may be thinking.  He then started telling me about a scenario with his co-workers where it really did turn out that it was perhaps best to withhold the truth.  You’re probably wondering why I stood there entertaining a conversation with him being that his girlfriend may not have been amused.  Well, I was trying to get the attention of the staff in the bakery.  His girlfriend came back over and get this, he introduces her as his wife.  The plot thickens! I gave her my warmest hello and sweetest smile and thankfully they got what they were waiting on and left.  Never a dull day I tell you…

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Date Night

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I’ve realized I’m what can be seen as a pretty inexpensive date.  While I’ll go out to eat with friends, I’m not very interested in a guy taking me to dinner.  I know all the ladies who love their bellies are thinking, “You can gwaan.  You one!”  Here’s the thing, and if you know me well you will most certainly agree…I EAT REALLY SLOWLY.  I don’t eat much either.  I’ll go out to eat with friends but to sit through dinner with a guy…hmmm.  He would finish eating way before me and then have to sit there staring at me chew.  Then of course I don’t speak with food in my mouth, so it would be a lot of nodding and chewing on my part.  No seriously, God could come back for His world and catch me in the midst of chewing.

Second reason I’m an inexpensive date is you won’t find me downing drink after drink.  Great, right gentlemen?  No need to keep the drinks coming all night and no need to sit worrying; mentally tallying the bill.  You also won’t have to give me a piggy back ride to the car.  Yeah man, you know when you go out and you see the girls who drank so much that they can’t even walk?  Know your limit ladies.  Don’t get carried away with ‘Jack’, ‘Johnnie’, ‘Jose’ and the rest of the crew.  Aaahhh you’re quick…yes, I’m referring to alcohol.

Now these things don’t mean that you’re off the hook entirely gentlemen.  While you don’t need to drop tons of cash (in my case anyhow), you still at least need to be thoughtful and put in some effort otherwise nuh bodda.