Someone Come Get My Grandma

A little while back my grandmother had a far from subtle conversation with me about me taking the person I’m seeing to come and meet her. I had to stop her right there and tell her I am yet to meet him so there’s no way I can take him to meet her. How do I introduce her to a non-existent, mythical creature? Now she’s moved from that to asking me when she will have another great grandson. (My sister had the first and only great grandchild.) Can you tell me why my grandmother is watching my womb? Lol.

Below is a snippet from my conversation with her yesterday.

Grandma: Keep behaving and being the nice girl that you are and make sure you meet someone as nice as you are.

Usually she just tells me to behave and to be a nice girl. This time she had to throw in a little extra.

Me: Yes Grandma. You keep behaving too.

Grandma: And I hope soon I will get to meet my other great grandson. Ehem!

Bwahahaha. Can you say buss a big laugh?

Grandma: (Laughing) This is the first time I’ve heard you laugh like this. It sweet yuh!

Me: Well you’re giving me jokes.

Grandma: God spared me and allowed me to see my first great grandchild, and now I hope to see the other one.

Me: Bwoy Grandma…

Grandma: When are you coming to see me?

Me: Maybe on the weekend.

Grandma: Well, come with joy in your heart, and you can tell me about my great grandson.

Me: I hear you Grandma (more laughter)

Grandma could never begin to understand. I guess she’ll just have to continue waiting to be introduced to this mythical creature and continue watching my womb lol. I’m just over here doing me with no idea how anything will turn out.

Chatting with Grandma


My grandmother is something else.  Today I went to see her for a long overdue visit and we chatted away, going from one thing to the next.  In between telling me how proud she is of me and my sister and that we should keep doing well, she was her usual entertaining self.

Grandma: You like your job?
Me: Yes Grandma.
Grandma: They treat you good? Anyone saying anything about you? I cyaa cuss them off because they’re too far and I don’t do that anymore either. *starts laughing* (Check her back in the day and you would have gotten the tracing of your life lol)
Me: *joining in her laughter* No grandma, you don’t need to tell anyone off.

Later on in our conversation she told me that if anyone at all makes any remarks about me I’m to tell them off.  Watch out world, I have my grandma’s permission to tell you a thing or two lol.

Oh, and we spoke about my hair.

Grandma: *staring at me* Your hair looks funny to me. (She has no filter :/ lol)
Me: It’s because you’re not used to it like this.

Out of nowhere she dropped a topic on me that I didn’t see coming.

Grandma: So you took him home for your mother to see him yet? You know you cyaa tek home just anybody to her. Must be a good man.
Me: *shocked but cracking up* Grandma I haven’t even seen him yet, so there’s no way I can take him home for her to see him. When you go to bed tonight say a prayer that God will reveal him to me.

Of course she started cackling big time.

My phone rang and it was my cousin.  I told her I was with grandma and would call her back.

Me: Grandma, Candace says hi.
Grandma: *gives me a look* So how you never let me talk to her?

Goodness, talk about not letting anything miss her lol.  I called back my cousin and grandma started chatting away to her. She even asked her if she’s behaving herself and being a good girl. I wonder if grandma remembers her grandniece is twenty-eight years old. She probably doesn’t or doesn’t care, because she does the same thing to me too.

We chatted a lot more and then it was time for me to go.  On our way out she stopped to give me some sweets.  No matter how old I get, she still gives me sweets.  While we were standing at the gate our conversation went like this:

Grandma: You know yuh pretty.
Me: *cracking up at how random she is*
Grandma: And look at you laughing. You’re a pretty girl. Make sure whoever you take home to your mother is a good looking man.
Me: Grandma! You’re too much.

Well, my grandmother certainly lay it on thick today. No subtlety whatsoever.  It must really bad when your grandmother starts asking what’s going on. Good looking gentleman, where are you? My grandmother is asking about you.