Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

 

Sometimes

They say nice guys finish last. Does that go for nice girls as well? Should ‘nice’ be out for 2018? You know how guys get friend zoned?  Well, I’m the girl who gets told a million times that she’s ‘wife material’ but despite that I’ve never even made it out the starter blocks lol.  My friends say I pick the wrong ones and so I’m to blame for that.  They could be onto something.  To be fair to myself, I don’t realize what they’re like initially, but that being said, they do give me signs early enough that should tell me to back up and walk away.  I think you have to be careful of what you put out there though. There is perhaps such a thing as being too nice and thus allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Funnily enough, men seem quick to give effort to females who aren’t quite sugar and spice and everything nice though. Go figure.

Let’s take a walk through what I will refer to as my series of unfortunate events, or at least some of them.  They certainly weren’t funny at the time, but now I can look back and have a good laugh at them. Side note before you get going- my definition of ‘talking to’ does not equate to boyfriend/girlfriend status. It’s just the initial phase where you’re interested and getting to know each other. None of these made it past that.


But I Told You
A mutual friend told me that the guy I was talking to had a girlfriend.  Well, imagine my surprise.  I of course asked him about it and was told, “But I told you.” You know I hit the roof, right?  First of all he had told me diddly squat about having a girlfriend and then had the gall to lie and say he did.  Come on, how would I forget something like that? To add insult to injury, HE went off on ME about it. Huh?  Despite that, after quite some time passed I was able to forgive (maybe not forget since here I am blogging about it) and we were actually able to be friends.  In his defense, he was young at the time. Well, not that youth is a free pass, but hey…


The Disappearing Act
This guy would call me several times a day, every day.  That in itself is rare, isn’t it? No one calls anymore. It’s strictly messaging.  Anyway, I noticed the calls totally stopped and he wouldn’t pick up when I called either.  That was strange as we hadn’t had any quarrels or so forth.  I tried messaging to ask what the problem was and even that got no response. Well, after a while I saw a friend of his. The person had no idea that there was any interest on either side and so forth, and that we had been communicating.  They casually brought him up and said he migrated to be with his girlfriend.  Migrated? To be with who?  The girlfriend who I thought was just an ex he no longer had any ties to?  Remember though that the person didn’t know his friend had been pursuing me and I wasn’t going to reveal that at this point.  Thank God for my time in the performing arts as I had to act very uninterested and nonchalant and just say, “Oh really? How come?” He let me know that his girlfriend had ‘filed for him’ and that his papers came through so off he went. Can you say shocked?  In case you’re wondering, I never heard from him again. Not…one…word…


She’s Just a Friend
This is another good one.  You know when you get a funny feeling?  There’s just a gut feeling that tells you something isn’t right?  Well there was a guy who was interested in me but there was a girl who he seemed to always be entertaining.  Everything said something was up; my gut and my female intuition.  He would always deny it and insist that they were just friends. I asked about her repeatedly and was always given the same answer.  It just didn’t sit well with me; I wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth so one day I decided I’d just ask her what was up with them.  I figured I could get the truth from her.  Man, I wasn’t ready for her answer.  Her response was, “We’re together”.  Whoa! Listen, if she had slapped me it couldn’t have been worse.  So he’s naming the children he would like to have with me in the future, but is over there ‘together’ with this girl?  Joke was definitely on me because I thought it was her who was ‘the other woman’. Who would have thought it was really me? Dwl. Coincidentally, fast forward to today and one of the names that he had his heart set on turned out to be the name my sister chose for my sweet baby nephew.  I was like, “Lord, you have a real sense of humour”.  But I’m glad that the name now has a special and happy meaning for me, because I love my nephew to the moon and back.

Needless to say, things ended with the guy. Funnily enough, despite the fact that both the girl and I had gotten a raw deal, she still found it in her to give me attitude. She told me that we would just have to see which one of us he chooses. Umm really? To this day I remember my words to her – “You’re the only one in that rat race.  I’ve excused myself from it.  I’m not giving him the opportunity to choose.” Well he ‘chose’ her and that was that.

I won’t even lie. I definitely did my share of bawling and moping for this one. Looking back though, I’m like you know you REALLY overdid the crying on that one, right?  Like REALLY.


I Like your Friend
I was on the phone with my friend one day and she said that the person I was talking to had just sent her a text. It wasn’t a big deal to me because we were all friends. “Oh okay, what does he want?” She nervously explained that his text said that he didn’t mean to hurt me but he was actually interested in her and not me. Wait, wait…I wasn’t ready for it. He said what? Now that one came out of nowhere. I definitely didn’t see it coming because this same boy had been acting like he was interested in me. This one was quite a blow. Well, he started pursuing her and eventually started feeling that she wasn’t what he was looking for so it went nowhere.

A few years later I saw him at a party and I got the most heartfelt apology. It was the usual about me being such a sweet girl who didn’t deserve any of what happened. He really did seem sorry, but what was done was done. This was several years ago. We have managed to salvage a friendship (yup, the nice girl in me) and he’s now happily married. At least someone got a happy ending, right?


Waiting on the Right Time

This one I actually had no interest in initially.  He just wasn’t my type but he worked his charm (serious charm), until I ended up being interested. We got closer and closer, and one day a friend of his said, “You know you two would be so cute together if he didn’t have a fiancée.” ‘This can’t be happening,’ I thought.  I held my tongue until there was no one around and asked him about this fiancée who I had just been informed of.  Yes, it was true. He said that he had been waiting on the right time to tell me. Like really? Really? It perhaps wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been chasing him, but I had been going about my life and he made every effort to get my attention, all the while knowing that he could offer me nothing.

I’m just over here now like Jesus take the wheel, cause clearly I’m not doing such a great job. I met up with a friend recently and she cried.  Cried…like real tears.  She said she wants me to experience happiness and have someone who knows my value and treats me well. “You’re the sweetest person and you deserve to be happy,” she said.  I can’t even remember ever seeing her cry before and I’ve known her since childhood. Must be really bad, huh? Lol. I was talking to another friend one day and he reminded me that I bring a lot to the table.  My response – “Umm yeah, I may bring a lot to the table but what am I supposed to do if no one wants what’s on the menu?” Now what do you say to that? Hahaha. For real though, but you know what? Till then I will eat alone.

 

Have I finally learned my lesson? I hope so, but I can’t promise that I won’t maintain some of my ‘nice girl tendencies’, because that’s who I am and there may just be someone who deserves that part of me and will value it. What I can promise however is that I will be more cautious going forward and take heed when the warning signs pop up.

I can only hope that there’s something awesome in store, because I think I’ve had my fair share of ridiculousness.  Until that comes (if it ever does) I have other things to focus on.  Right now I’m working on self-actualization; I have so much untapped potential, and that’s my own fault to a great extent.  I’d really like to find out what my passion is; what it is that makes me feel fulfilled, because really and truly figuring out that piece of the puzzle is major in the pursuit of happiness. Everything else will fall into place.

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The Good Shepherd

SheepMe looking for my shepherd like…

My friend and I were invited to church today. I really don’t go to church as often as I should and I didn’t want to disappoint the person who invited us, so to church we went! It actually was quite a good service. The pastor used the 23rd Psalm to kick off his sermon and then launched into the characteristics of a shepherd and sheep.  Of course the shepherd in this context is the Lord and the sheep would be us humans.  He said a shepherd is supposed to provide for you, protect you, love you, care for you when you are sick and so forth. Sounds like a good man, right? Lol. Tell me that crossed your mind too. Instantly my friend turned to me.

Friend: Shamieka…

*We exchanged knowing looks and laughed*

Pastor: Amen

Me and friend: AMEN!!!!! (in unison)

Yes, we need to get our acts together. There we are in church and totally twisting the lesson for our own (way off) interpretation lol but for real though, aren’t those some great qualities for a partner? I mean, we aren’t asking for too much, right? The Lord sees and knows that the struggle is real for us females. I’m knocking on 30’s door and I’m still in the wilderness looking out for a good shepherd. And trust me, I’ve been out there waaaaay longer than forty days and forty nights. Not to say persons haven’t crossed my path, but, hmm…

Perhaps in this case it’s the shepherd who’s lost and not the sheep (me), so if you happen to see my shepherd wandering around out there, please point him in my direction so we can head to the path of righteousness. Good shepherd, where art thou? BAAAAAAAA!

Not to worry, we paid attention to everything else in the service and took from it the meaning that we were supposed to. I think we’ll be making more frequent trips to church. 🙂

Tomorrow is Tuesday

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This morning I was tiiiiiired after an early flight, but  woke up at the crack of dawn, got dressed and headed downstairs to have breakfast. Feeling as though I looked the way I felt, it was so lovely to hear the kitchen staff tell me that I was beautiful. *Bats eyelashes* He asked where I was from too and very happily I told him, “Jamaica.”  Fellow Jamaicans, is it just me, or do you love telling people you’re from Jamaica?  Anyway, it was time to head out to the airport for another flight, and my cab driver was such a peach.  He told me I looked fresh like summer.  Whatever that means, yaaaay, I’ll take it as a compliment.  Y’all just boosting me up like Supligen. What a great way to start the day. Should just get better from there, right? Well, read on and let’s see.

We chatted on and on and he told me all sorts of colourful stories about his crazy ex-girlfriend and his daughters and their husbands. Picture him as that uncle everyone loves, and with a Spanish accent.  He was a real treat.  After hearing all about him and his life, he then turned the spotlight on me.

Driver: So what are you getting for Valentine’s Day tomorrow?

Me: That would be nothing. Tomorrow is just Tuesday for me.

Driver: Do you have a boyfriend? Husband? Kids?

Me: No to all.

Driver: Well you’re young.  You have lots of time! No worries.

(Yup there go my genes working in my favour; I’m looking youthful as ever lol.)

Me: I’m 28.

(Dropping my age was a game changer because all I got next was a long silence lol. Bear in mind that before this he had been talking like a parrot, then all of a sudden the cat got his tongue)

Driver: Ahhh well you know what they say. Tick, tick, tick, especially when you’re a woman.

Well thanks for the reminder, lest I had forgotten lol. First my grandmother on my case and now a random cab driver. Tick, tick, tick. Sorry, but tomorrow is ‘just Tuesday’ for me lol.  Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovebirds in advance!!!!

Sham’s Night Out

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Twas late at night and granny Sham went out. Sometimes you gotta get out right? I went from loooving a night out to developing an affinity for staying in. Nowadays once you give me Netflix I’m good. Symptom of getting older maybe? Every now and then however, I do get the itch to do something so out I went last night. It was good company so that was a good start. I’m about to launch into a tirade and I have to wonder if the headache I was having last night (and still now as I type) had anything to do with why everything  got to me ten times worse than it usually would/should have. It was either that or I’m getting older and just over it.

Before entering the party, we stood in the parking lot for a bit, and I observed quite a few females walking in with who appeared to be their friends, but no, they couldn’t be friends. Friends wouldn’t let friends leave the house looking that way :/ Friends, if you see me looking off, please let me know. Please. Don’t go out with me looking a hot mess. I give credit where credit is due though, and ladies, some of you were on point! You could dress me any day.

Later on in the night I saw a swarm of men pass. I don’t mean a likkle drop. I mean a lot. Who usually rolls like that? Dancehall artistes. That therefore prompted me to turn to my friend and ask, “Did an artiste just pass?” Yup, it was Bounty Killer. See, it was so many men that I didn’t even see Bounty in the mix. That brought me to my second bout of pondering for the night. How come they (not all) travel in such large packs of men?  All I ever hear in their songs is ‘we nuh love man’ and ‘gyal to mi ting’ and so forth. They continuously drive this point home to us. Why then I wondered do they have such large entourages of men.  Anyway, fast forward…as soon as Bounty entered, the police locked off the party. Several patrons left but somehow later on the go ahead was given for the party to continue, and the ‘Poor People’s Governor’ took to the stage.

He gave a good performance; energetic and so forth, but unfortunately, my tirade continues. Everyone was excited and fully captivated as the ‘War Lord’ delivered hit after hit, but at one point I found myself pause to consider one of the lines from his song. It was ‘Run come up inna mi Magnum bwoy.’ What? Huh?  It continues ‘Stand up in front a mi shotgun bwoy.’  Best believe the crowd went wild when he sang it. Bap! Bap! Bap! I paused and thought, ‘Why do these violent lyrics excite us?’ I’ve heard these lyrics before but never put any thought behind it. Music can truly transform a message. You get lost in the beat and you don’t even realize what you’re rocking to and getting excited about.  Yes, I sound like a true granny right? And no, I cannot cast any stones because I too get carried away sometimes and don’t even realize what I’m being captivated by.

I stood there feeling like I was in the twilight zone as persons around me continued to ‘rail up.’  My headache wasn’t getting any better, and the bass was so heavy that it felt like it had become one with my heartbeat. I was over that, over glorifying violent lyrics, over the drinks spilling on me (okay fine, it was only once and only a little but I was miserable), over the exodus of people using the small space in front of me as a walkway.  O-ver it. It seems just about everything was getting to me. The persons I went with didn’t seem ready but I went back out to the parking lot where there were groups of people scattered about and waited.

Well, the police came back to lock off the party shortly after.  I heard Bounty sound very ‘cross, angry, miserable’ asking the police how they can lock off the party.  He told them that it’s Christmas and this is for the people.  While the people at the party were quite disappointed, I’m sure the persons who live nearby were happy to have the loud music come to an end. What was I happy about?  The fact that I was already outside so I had avoided being amidst the exodus of patrons leaving the venue.

Maybe it’s okay to be the girl who likes quiet nights in.  Granny Sham will still ‘do road’ every now and then, but I make no apologies for not wanting that on a frequent basis.  Maybe that will change. You never know. We constantly evolve, right?  I don’t knock anyone who loves to party.  Life should be lived to the fullest, and if partying makes you feel fulfilled, then hey, why not? To each his own.

Can You Relate?

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Throughout life you will encounter an array of personalities and it can be quite a task to deal with some of them. You have some persons whose level of maturity is running on E and needs topping up. Maturity after all does not always come with age (contrary to popular belief), neither with status and accomplishments. It is a quality that not all are fortunate enough to possess. Those who do however have it must endeavour to efficiently and of course courteously interact with the difficult persons whose paths will cross theirs throughout life. They’re in every aspect of your life; it may be a family member, a co-worker, a friend, a customer service representative, and so forth. Truth – you cannot escape difficult people.

Now the scariest kind of person is the kind who does not know that he/she has a problem. For example, if someone is an alcoholic but does not realize that their alcohol consumption is above normal, clearly this person won’t attempt to cut back or seek help to do so. If someone is a chronic liar, and is never confronted about their lies, they will get progressively worse and eventually cannot separate their lies from reality; they begin to believe their lies. Therefore, they will not at any point make a conscious effort to stop lying. When persons do not acknowledge they have a problem, how then can there be a resolution? I deal with persons like this on a regular basis. Do you? How do you handle this situation? Well for me it varies. There are some times when I simply have to address the situation. Now that doesn’t mean initiating an argument. It doesn’t have to be a heated conversation with dynamite exploding. In fact it should not be. All it means is pointing out the issue. Other times quite truthfully I just observe persons and leave them to their behaviour. Once it is not directly affecting me, then quite frankly it is a non-issue for me. All it is seen as is a bit of an annoyance.

The individual who irks me is a deflector. This is the person who lays the blame for situations everywhere else but where it belongs. What such individuals need to do is take a step back and analyze the problems to get to the root of them. Quite likely they would find that the common denominator in all their problems is in fact them. It always seems easier to blame other persons than it is to look in the mirror. They need to have a Michael Jackson moment – ‘I’m talking to the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways.’

Have you ever met someone who thrives on controversy but feigns innocence and makes himself/herself out to be self-righteous and above gossip, when truthfully gossip is their middle name? This person is DANGEROUS, especially when they attempt to entangle you in their web. When you sit listening to them just remember that same as you’re listening to a story about X, that when you are not around you may very well be the hot topic. You may even find your name dragged into things that you have nothing to do with. If they can’t close their mouths about other persons, don’t be fooled into thinking they won’t speak about you too, and even worse, say untruthful things. After all, a lie makes them come out the victor in the story, and if you aren’t there to hear what is being said about you, who can really contest the lie and set the record straight? No one! They’re home free.  I despise persons who as Red Rat says ‘chew pon mi name like Wrigley’s.’

When I see a person’s true colours I try to remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible because when they self-destruct they are bound to destroy anything in their path, and that includes me. This extends even to friends. I remember I had a very good friend who was extremely argumentative. She constantly found things to pick fights about and after a while I got tired of it. Who can really deal with that constantly? We’re no longer close. I’m my father’s child. In that I mean I refuse to go back and forth with anyone and entertain petty arguments. I say what I need to and then I’m finished; no verbal ping pong. When I’m finished, I’m finished, so if the ‘verbal ball’ is hit over to my side, I will hit it back once, but after that, they’ll find they’re playing the game alone. I would have already packed up my things and left them on the court trying to find a new person to play their game with. That’s just me. Certain games aren’t for me.

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The Adventures of Donating Blood

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 Why is it so difficult to donate blood? Really!  I want to give a precious commodity…a piece of me…something that’s urgently needed and it’s just pure hassle to get it done.  My friend and I went to the blood bank at Chest Hospital to donate blood for another friend.  We get to Chest and ask where we find the blood bank.  We find it….good! *Put hand on doorknob and turn…let’s do this! Door doesn’t open* No man, it’s 10:00 so dem mus open. We go back to try and get some information from the security.  The person on the phone tells him yes it should be open so he instructs us to go back and try knocking.  Can tell me why I haffi bang down a door to donate my blood?  Alright fine, *bang, bang, bang*…still nothing.  I see the security calling to me so I go back.  By this time my friend has taken a seat on the steps outside the bulding cause she cyaa bodda nuh more.  The security says. “Bwoy it look like it nuh open nuh more.” (Can someone tell me why the security wasn’t aware of this very important piece of information?) Trying hard not to give him my worst evil eye, I say to him, “What do you mean? So it’s just an abandoned building now, and how long ago did the blood bank stop being operational?”  He says, “Mussi round a week ago.  Try UWI.” If he ever knew how my blood was boiling at that point.  Chuh!

 We drive to UWI and end up driving round and round…and rooooound searching for a parking space.  We get to the blood donation area and we see a sign instructing us to take a number.  Nuh bodda think seh is a modern system like in the bank where you pull a strip from a machine…no, no, no.  It’s a container with numbers and you take one out.  Think about this though…if I come at 11:00 and happen to pick up #23 then you come at 11:30 and pick up #19 who you think gonna get through first? Me, who came half an hour ago or you? Exactly! So you have to have sense and not just haphazardly pick up a number…you have to search through all the numbers and pick the lowest one.  When the lady who comes out to call a number I point out to her that the number system they have in place makes no sense and I explain to her why.  She says, “Oh” like I gave her food for thought but then she goes “It’s just how the system is.” KMT!

Oh and just so you know, after my great adventure to donate blood, I couldn’t! I didn’t meet the weight requirement.  After all that…ugh!