Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

 

Sometimes

They say nice guys finish last. Does that go for nice girls as well? Should ‘nice’ be out for 2018? You know how guys get friend zoned?  Well, I’m the girl who gets told a million times that she’s ‘wife material’ but despite that I’ve never even made it out the starter blocks lol.  My friends say I pick the wrong ones and so I’m to blame for that.  They could be onto something.  To be fair to myself, I don’t realize what they’re like initially, but that being said, they do give me signs early enough that should tell me to back up and walk away.  I think you have to be careful of what you put out there though. There is perhaps such a thing as being too nice and thus allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Funnily enough, men seem quick to give effort to females who aren’t quite sugar and spice and everything nice though. Go figure.

Let’s take a walk through what I will refer to as my series of unfortunate events, or at least some of them.  They certainly weren’t funny at the time, but now I can look back and have a good laugh at them. Side note before you get going- my definition of ‘talking to’ does not equate to boyfriend/girlfriend status. It’s just the initial phase where you’re interested and getting to know each other. None of these made it past that.


But I Told You
A mutual friend told me that the guy I was talking to had a girlfriend.  Well, imagine my surprise.  I of course asked him about it and was told, “But I told you.” You know I hit the roof, right?  First of all he had told me diddly squat about having a girlfriend and then had the gall to lie and say he did.  Come on, how would I forget something like that? To add insult to injury, HE went off on ME about it. Huh?  Despite that, after quite some time passed I was able to forgive (maybe not forget since here I am blogging about it) and we were actually able to be friends.  In his defense, he was young at the time. Well, not that youth is a free pass, but hey…


The Disappearing Act
This guy would call me several times a day, every day.  That in itself is rare, isn’t it? No one calls anymore. It’s strictly messaging.  Anyway, I noticed the calls totally stopped and he wouldn’t pick up when I called either.  That was strange as we hadn’t had any quarrels or so forth.  I tried messaging to ask what the problem was and even that got no response. Well, after a while I saw a friend of his. The person had no idea that there was any interest on either side and so forth, and that we had been communicating.  They casually brought him up and said he migrated to be with his girlfriend.  Migrated? To be with who?  The girlfriend who I thought was just an ex he no longer had any ties to?  Remember though that the person didn’t know his friend had been pursuing me and I wasn’t going to reveal that at this point.  Thank God for my time in the performing arts as I had to act very uninterested and nonchalant and just say, “Oh really? How come?” He let me know that his girlfriend had ‘filed for him’ and that his papers came through so off he went. Can you say shocked?  In case you’re wondering, I never heard from him again. Not…one…word…


She’s Just a Friend
This is another good one.  You know when you get a funny feeling?  There’s just a gut feeling that tells you something isn’t right?  Well there was a guy who was interested in me but there was a girl who he seemed to always be entertaining.  Everything said something was up; my gut and my female intuition.  He would always deny it and insist that they were just friends. I asked about her repeatedly and was always given the same answer.  It just didn’t sit well with me; I wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth so one day I decided I’d just ask her what was up with them.  I figured I could get the truth from her.  Man, I wasn’t ready for her answer.  Her response was, “We’re together”.  Whoa! Listen, if she had slapped me it couldn’t have been worse.  So he’s naming the children he would like to have with me in the future, but is over there ‘together’ with this girl?  Joke was definitely on me because I thought it was her who was ‘the other woman’. Who would have thought it was really me? Dwl. Coincidentally, fast forward to today and one of the names that he had his heart set on turned out to be the name my sister chose for my sweet baby nephew.  I was like, “Lord, you have a real sense of humour”.  But I’m glad that the name now has a special and happy meaning for me, because I love my nephew to the moon and back.

Needless to say, things ended with the guy. Funnily enough, despite the fact that both the girl and I had gotten a raw deal, she still found it in her to give me attitude. She told me that we would just have to see which one of us he chooses. Umm really? To this day I remember my words to her – “You’re the only one in that rat race.  I’ve excused myself from it.  I’m not giving him the opportunity to choose.” Well he ‘chose’ her and that was that.

I won’t even lie. I definitely did my share of bawling and moping for this one. Looking back though, I’m like you know you REALLY overdid the crying on that one, right?  Like REALLY.


I Like your Friend
I was on the phone with my friend one day and she said that the person I was talking to had just sent her a text. It wasn’t a big deal to me because we were all friends. “Oh okay, what does he want?” She nervously explained that his text said that he didn’t mean to hurt me but he was actually interested in her and not me. Wait, wait…I wasn’t ready for it. He said what? Now that one came out of nowhere. I definitely didn’t see it coming because this same boy had been acting like he was interested in me. This one was quite a blow. Well, he started pursuing her and eventually started feeling that she wasn’t what he was looking for so it went nowhere.

A few years later I saw him at a party and I got the most heartfelt apology. It was the usual about me being such a sweet girl who didn’t deserve any of what happened. He really did seem sorry, but what was done was done. This was several years ago. We have managed to salvage a friendship (yup, the nice girl in me) and he’s now happily married. At least someone got a happy ending, right?


Waiting on the Right Time

This one I actually had no interest in initially.  He just wasn’t my type but he worked his charm (serious charm), until I ended up being interested. We got closer and closer, and one day a friend of his said, “You know you two would be so cute together if he didn’t have a fiancée.” ‘This can’t be happening,’ I thought.  I held my tongue until there was no one around and asked him about this fiancée who I had just been informed of.  Yes, it was true. He said that he had been waiting on the right time to tell me. Like really? Really? It perhaps wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been chasing him, but I had been going about my life and he made every effort to get my attention, all the while knowing that he could offer me nothing.

I’m just over here now like Jesus take the wheel, cause clearly I’m not doing such a great job. I met up with a friend recently and she cried.  Cried…like real tears.  She said she wants me to experience happiness and have someone who knows my value and treats me well. “You’re the sweetest person and you deserve to be happy,” she said.  I can’t even remember ever seeing her cry before and I’ve known her since childhood. Must be really bad, huh? Lol. I was talking to another friend one day and he reminded me that I bring a lot to the table.  My response – “Umm yeah, I may bring a lot to the table but what am I supposed to do if no one wants what’s on the menu?” Now what do you say to that? Hahaha. For real though, but you know what? Till then I will eat alone.

 

Have I finally learned my lesson? I hope so, but I can’t promise that I won’t maintain some of my ‘nice girl tendencies’, because that’s who I am and there may just be someone who deserves that part of me and will value it. What I can promise however is that I will be more cautious going forward and take heed when the warning signs pop up.

I can only hope that there’s something awesome in store, because I think I’ve had my fair share of ridiculousness.  Until that comes (if it ever does) I have other things to focus on.  Right now I’m working on self-actualization; I have so much untapped potential, and that’s my own fault to a great extent.  I’d really like to find out what my passion is; what it is that makes me feel fulfilled, because really and truly figuring out that piece of the puzzle is major in the pursuit of happiness. Everything else will fall into place.

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Picky? Crazy?

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Chances are if you’ve been single for a while or you’re a particular age and single, people tell you one or both of these things:
1) You’re too picky.
2) There must be something wrong with you (maybe you’re crazy).

‘Picky’
Well I suppose I can be, but is it picky or is it just having standards? That, and there are just certain qualities or characteristics that I find attractive.  Nope, I’m not going to list them. Why?  Because if there’s a guy reading this who’s planning on approaching me, I’d like him to come as he is, and not try to conform to who he thinks I want him to be.  True colours are bound to show at some point, so let’s just keep it real from the start.

My ‘Prince Charming’ doesn’t even need to be drop dead handsome.  I’m fine with ‘attractive enough so that I want to take a second look.’ Lol. On that note, I was having a conversation at lunch time with my co-workers and I told them that cologne works wonders.  It can transform a man into Trey Songz (yup that’s my honey *swoons*).  Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating about the ‘transformation’ lol buuut a guy could be not the most attractive person, but when he splashes on some good cologne it can work magic.  #pow Luckily, another female backed me on this so it seems I’m not too strange after all. Guys, don’t OD on the cologne now :p A little goes a far way.

You know what?  I’m not even that demanding girl who needs or expects to be spoiled.  If I was, I would have jumped at the offers throughout my lifetime.  Sure, I suppose it makes things somewhat more exciting but all I really ask for is time, and not a lot of it either because I do like my space.  Not like ‘crazy cat lady like my space’ though.  It’s not that bad (at least I don’t think so).  If you have no time for me and I’m just on the wayside, that’s not going to work.  That will make me reassess.  I ask for far too little to not get the one thing I think I deserve – time.

‘There must be something wrong with you’
Hmmm, I don’t profess to be perfect.  Lord knows I do have my flaws, but I don’t think they’re that bad that I can’t be accepted flaws and all. Right? This is where you should all agree with me. Good! 🙂 There is one thing that I do which I know people may find frustrating. If I’m really hurt or upset about something, I shut down. Yes, Ms. Big On Communication shuts down.  Doesn’t make sense right?  To clarify, it’s not something I do in all situations. I only do it when I think the reason I’m upset is clear as day; this is when there’s no way the other party should be clueless as to what the issue is and asking me what’s wrong.  Ladies, you’ve experienced this before, right?  Anyway, what ends up happening?  I’m frustrated and annoyed because the other person doesn’t get it, and then they’re frustrated and annoyed because I won’t say what it is. I don’t think you have to be the most intuitive person to understand me.  My take on it is simply that you can’t do something that is clearly going to get to me and then turn around and ask me what’s wrong. It doesn’t take Dr. Phil to get it. Just be a considerate human being.  When you’re saying or doing things, just remember that I have feelings.  That’s it…that’s really it.

Picky? Crazy? None of the above? Well, whatever the case is, I guess ya’ll are stuck with me.

Welcome To My Normal

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One day, one day I will attract normal men. Let me speak it into being.

Yesterday I was waiting to use the ATM and a man came up to me; way too close for comfort so already I was annoyed.

Man: Baby, you’re so beautiful. Baby if you were mine you could have both upstairs AND downstairs.
Me: Okay *blank stare* (*thinking* What the hell does that even mean?)
I hoped he would just go away. Thankfully the place was busy so I wasn’t too worried about him hanging around.
Man: Baby, there are so many women in Jamaica, but you know what? I choose you!
Me: *blank stare* (In my mind – Oh just my luck. He chose me. Kmt.)
Man: Baby are you married?
Me: Yes! (Yeah, yeah I lied. Ughh if he calls me baby one more time)
Man: Oh what a pity baby. Well, just know that I would treat you right.

Saved by the bell…the person came out of the ATM and I quickly went in. What did I do so wrong in my life to always have these encounters? *covers face* Well, at least my friends can always have a good laugh at my expense lol.  One of them had a rather interesting take on it though.  I copied and pasted her response below:

‘Shams how you be wanting a normal man when you nowhere near normal…you’re extraordinary…you nah go get normal…nope…not gonna happen…secondly I think a normal man would have you bored in 2 seconds…’

I think I like her perspective on it. I’ll work with it lol. So maybe I’ll never have normal, but I’ll eventually have just right; just right for me 🙂

Shopping Partners…

kanyeThe expression I need to perfect

I meant to go to the supermarket much earlier today but it felt like such a task to leave home. I finally decided that this bum behaviour was not going to cut it and unwillingly dragged myself out of the house at minutes to 9. I threw on my jeans and a T-shirt with a sweater, and looked presentable enough to be seen in public, but not enough to really be seen if you get what I mean. I just wanted to be in and out like Casper and not bump into anyone I know.

I got to the supermarket and was going down an aisle when the unthinkable happened…I heard someone say, “Hi there!” I reluctantly turned around only to see a man who I didn’t know giving me the biggest smile. “Not today sir, not today,” I said in my head. I looked at him quite blankly and hoped that would shut him down, but nope, no such luck.

Man: Can I shop with you?
Me: What? What do you mean? (pushing cart and walking away while asking, so clearly not interested in the response)
Man: You know…we shop together.
Me: Why would we do that?
Man: (Now pushing his trolley and walking alongside me…ugh) Well, you can help me shop.
Me: I’m sure you don’t need any assistance. I’m certain you do this all the time.
Man: Well, I’m not usually the person who does the shopping.

Of course I start thinking that probably means he has a wife or girlfriend at home, and here he is harassing me. Hmmm.

Man: I’m Chris. What’s your name? (By now we’ve walked down two aisles and I’m wondering if my expression isn’t accurately conveying my thoughts…go away)
Me: Krystal (My tried and true fake name that I’ve been using for years. The Lord must be tired of hearing me lie)
Man: So how old are you Krystal? I’m not quite twice your age. (Ahhh I see what you did there. Drawing for that Shabba song, trying to be funny)
Me: Not twice my age. Are you sure about that?
Man: You look about 23.
Me: Nope

He deliberates further about my age.  We’ve now gone down yet another aisle and I realize it seems we really are ‘shopping together.’  I purposely stopped at the mayonnaise and took an agonizingly long time. Decisions, decisions…Hellmans or Kraft, oh and there are all these different sizes. Glass or plastic? Hahaha.

Man: So I’m not even going to ask you for your number, because I know you’re going to say no. (Yaaay! My expressions seem to be working again. He knew not to even ask)
Me: You’re right.
Man: Instead, I’m going to ask you to take my number. (Really Slick Rick?)
Me: Umm no. How about you just look out for me whenever you’re at the supermarket. You might just see me again. You never know. (While writing this I remembered the time I gave a guy the first 6 digits of my number and told him he would just have to figure out the seventh. Believe it or not, I got a call from him. My number ends with an 8 :/)
Man: They say lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice.
Me: I don’t know what to tell you then. Just hope for a coincidence.

Well, he went off on his way and I continued without my shopping partner. What have I learned? One, I need to work on my expressions; they aren’t effectively portraying my thoughts.  Two, it could have been that I bumped into someone I actually know, so this ‘I hope I don’t see anyone I know’ really doesn’t cut it.

Walking Tall at Any Cost

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Last night I saw a girl in some very high heels. Loved them, but it wasn’t even the heels that caught my attention. It was how she was walking in them. Ladies, you know when you’ve been out all night in heels and as the end of the night approaches you sometimes end up doing the, ‘My feet are killing me now but I’m going to try and maintain a cute walk?’ Dwl! I could see that is exactly what she was thinking and trying to pull off. Maybe some of you are superwoman and have never experienced this but I won’t hide and talk. It’s happened to me before where it’s all well and good initially but as the night winds down my feet have just had enough. Some heels you can rock all night with no problem, while others just aren’t cut out for an extended period. I have shoes that I’ve had to just park after realizing how uncomfortable they are.  You simply won’t catch me in them again.  When I’m in New York, particularly in Manhattan and see women in very high stilettos rushing about, I have to wonder how they do it. It just looks like torture to me. Maybe it’s a special talent. Kate Winslet said it best in the quote below.

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Ladies, my advice to you is to either wear flats (there are really cute ones), or to take them along with you so that if you begin feeling uncomfortable you can always head to the car and slip into your flats. You definitely won’t have a good time if you’re uncomfortable. All I know is you will never see me walking barefoot leaving a party as is a normal sight I’ve come to behold. Disclaimer – if for some reason one day you see me guilty of this offense it must be because I injured myself or my shoe fell apart on me. If you even gave me the cross to bear and I was wearing heels at the time, I would have to keep them on and just hobble along.

Check out these photos of Jessica Simpson below. She’s pregnant and looks just about ready to pop but there she is in her heels. Really? Love the look, but really? Hmm…more power to her.

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The things we ladies do. Men really do have it much easier in this regard. While we primp to go out, a man can just throw on a polo shirt or maybe a button down with jeans, spray on some cologne and he’s ready. Speaking of cologne, is it just me or does great smelling cologne work wonders for a man? He could look like Shabba Ranks, but just you catch a whiff of his cologne and somehow he starts to look a bit better lol. Men can easily get away with the ever classic white tee with jeans and sneakers. Ready to go! Sure, a man may sometimes need a haircut or need to shave but he wouldn’t get the harsh criticism a female would. You would probably just laugh and ask him if he’s going for a Rick Ross kind of look. Let me ever go out with my hair being a mess and people would whisper to each other asking if I don’t have friends who could tell me I don’t look right, or even a mirror at home.

That’s all for now folks!  Remember to follow my blog (just click Follow – the little icon at the bottom right hand corner). Thanks!

Who are you?

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Are you the type who when things don’t work out, you cry a river and wallow in self-pity? I was that person once. My river would have needed Moses to part it.  Better yet, Jesus may have had to come down to assist Moses.  It was that bad lol.  You know what though? Self pity does absolutely nothing to help you move forward.  Yeah you may cry, but trust me when I say you’ll see that Beyonce really was onto something when she said, “Thank God I dodged a bullet…You turned out to be the best thing I never had.”  Let someone else take that bullet my loves. You’ll be just fine.

 

If you’re not the type who mopes around, maybe you’re this type:

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Is this you?  You got a little Madea in you?

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Don’t worry, we’ve all got a bit of craziness in us.  It just varies to different degrees :p

Girl Talk

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A friend and I were having some girl talk and she said the guy she’s talking to now is like her project, and she feels like she’s getting her degree. I told her that I’m not taking on any projects.  I just want to mark the paper.  Let someone else do all the hard work and turn in the paper to me.  In other words, I’m past the point of taking on anyone who’s going to be a task to handle and needs too much work.  I understand that you’re to take persons as they are and not try to change them, but the fact of the matter is that sometimes there are things that NEED to change. Little miss someone else can do the hard part with him. No projects for me.

We also talked about girls we went to high school with being in serious relationships.  She asked if I realize that these girls had their boyfriends from high school or university and said that if that train missed you, that’s it! She went on to say that there’s a reason the men who weren’t snatched up are still there and available.  Lol, I can see where she’s coming from with that bit.  I remember one guy in particular who I had the misfortune of thinking was ‘someone.’  I’m all for equality and holding my own but come on, you’re really going to remind me who bought lunch last and whose turn it is this time?  Lol.  It all seemed normal but then his cheapness manifested in so many ways that I realized it really wasn’t about us both putting in versus relying on one person.  He was just damn cheap and that’s all there was to it.  Just imagine what the girl he ends up with will have to endure if they have kids…”It’s your turn to buy diapers. I bought them last time.” Haha

You have another type of guy.  Some girls have daddy issues.  Well, some guys have mommy issues. They’re consumed with trying to find their mother in a girl.  I am no one’s mother.  Don’t come looking in my direction for a two in one deal.  Better look elsewhere for that because you’ll be very disappointed if you expect me to baby you like your mother.  You also have the ‘Remember I had told you I have a girlfriend?’ type of guy trying to squirm his way out when he’s been found out.  No sweetheart, that’s not the type of thing that would slip someone’s mind.  Lol. If you must lie, make it good.

You have so many types. You just have to learn to deal with the ones who come your way and develop good radar. Some will fool you initially, but sometimes there are those who right off the bat you can tell are just no good. When those cross your path, RUN FOR THE HILLS or send them rolling down the hill…whatever works for you. Hehe

My friend and I also talked about the fact that once in a while a few good ones come around but you usually overlook them for some reason or the other.  I think sometimes it’s just that they have no edge to them.  It’s not that you want a ‘bad boy’ as thy say.  I have a little saying…I like someone with an edge but not too sharp.

On somewhat of a different tangent, when it comes to relationships be willing to listen to others but remember that at the end of the day you need to do what you think is right for you.  People can say what they feel about a situation and you can make it food for thought if you feel it is good and worthwhile advice, but do not do anything based solely on the opinions of others.  If you do that then you may end up regretting it bitterly.  The truth is, YOU and only YOU truly know the dynamics of your relationship. It’s not your friend, sister, mother, etc. in the relationship.  Do what makes you happy, while of course being wise.  Also, remember that not everyone means you well. There is a saying that goes, ‘Cockroach nuh business inna fowl fight.’  Everyone else lives their lives.  You live yours.