Find Your Bobbette

Just like most of you, I recently learned about Luton Shelton’s illness.  Our star footballer has been battling Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) since 2016.  As per http://www.als.ca, ‘ALS is a disease that gradually paralyzes people because the brain is no longer able to communicate with the muscles of the body that we are typically able to move at will. Over time, as the muscles of the body break down, someone living with ALS will lose the ability to walk, talk, eat, swallow, and eventually breathe.’

A young man in his prime (only 32 years old) facing this life threatening disease…let that sink in.

Since he went public with his illness, I’ve been seeing several posts on social media pertaining to him.  Today it was one of his own posts that really made me stop and think, and it was because of the caption.

bobbette Taken from Luton’s Instagram page (@ls_21)

Luton and Bobbette have been together for over thirteen years, and are about to celebrate five years of marriage.  When they met, he was a healthy man ready to take on the world.  She could not have possibly foreseen what the future would hold – that the love of her life would be diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease, that his speech would become almost unintelligible, that her husband, the legendary footballer would get to a point (very early on) where he would rely on her for his every need; taking her from not just his wife and mother of their three young children, to primary caregiver.

It made me think about how the choices we make now impact the rest of our lives; how important it is to ensure that we look for more than just a pretty/handsome face and a little spark in a partner.  You need a fire, someone of substance; someone who will stand by your side on the field when the crowd has left the stadium.  Do you have a ride or die, and if you do, do you appreciate him/her?

I’ve had my own ‘Bobbette’ at different points throughout my life and not acknowledged it.  I have been fortunate to have a few good men cheering in the stands for me.  They’ve had a sign with my name, they’ve been shouting the loudest…they were my number one fan…and I didn’t even stop to give them an autograph.  Let’s be real – we have all had a ‘Bobbette’ and not appreciated him/her, and sometimes as a result of that, they’ve ended up walking out with the rest of the crowd.  Luton looked in the stands and saw value in Bobbette, and today she is by his side, sitting on the bench with him and seeing him through his darkest hours.

This couple really got me thinking that you may be scoring goals now, but will you always be?  When all is said and done, you want to know that the person you settle down with will have your back through the good and the bad, and literally through sickness and in health.  You want him/her to see all your flaws (yeah we are all FAR from perfect) and accept them, to appreciate and love you for…YOU…no matter what challenges life throws your way.

At the end of the game will you be alone on the field or will you have your number one fan by your side?

Click here to watch an interview with Luton, his wife and father – Courtesy of The Gleaner

To donate, please go to https://www.gofundme.com/luton-shelton-fights-als-disease

 

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Know When To Zip It

There’s that famous saying – ‘Honesty is the best policy.’ Is it always?  I was in the supermarket the other day and a gentleman beside me was having a conversation with a lady I presumed to be his girlfriend.  Anyway, as I was so close to them I heard him say, “There’s nothing wrong with giving a compliment.  There’s nothing wrong with being honest.”  Suddenly he directs the conversation to me.  “Look at this lady right here (Umm this lady right here who’s minding her own business?). Miss, you look FANTASTIC! She does! There’s nothing wrong with telling her.”  Can you say awkward? I felt awkward for me AND for her.

I said thank you and couldn’t help but laugh.  Did he really just do that?  And why did I have to be the one he used to make a point? Lol.  I immediately looked at her to see if she was getting ready to take her earrings out and throw all one hundred pounds of me to the floor, but her face didn’t offer much expression.  Actually he ended up striking up a conversation with me and she walked off (still in the vicinity).  The man continued his point, saying he doesn’t see what’s wrong with being honest.  I told him that can actually get you in trouble sometimes so you have to learn when it’s best to say nothing at all.  Case in point, what he had just done.  Not every situation calls for you to voice what you may be thinking.  He then started telling me about a scenario with his co-workers where it really did turn out that it was perhaps best to withhold the truth.  You’re probably wondering why I stood there entertaining a conversation with him being that his girlfriend may not have been amused.  Well, I was trying to get the attention of the staff in the bakery.  His girlfriend came back over and get this, he introduces her as his wife.  The plot thickens! I gave her my warmest hello and sweetest smile and thankfully they got what they were waiting on and left.  Never a dull day I tell you…

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Girl Talk

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A friend and I were having some girl talk and she said the guy she’s talking to now is like her project, and she feels like she’s getting her degree. I told her that I’m not taking on any projects.  I just want to mark the paper.  Let someone else do all the hard work and turn in the paper to me.  In other words, I’m past the point of taking on anyone who’s going to be a task to handle and needs too much work.  I understand that you’re to take persons as they are and not try to change them, but the fact of the matter is that sometimes there are things that NEED to change. Little miss someone else can do the hard part with him. No projects for me.

We also talked about girls we went to high school with being in serious relationships.  She asked if I realize that these girls had their boyfriends from high school or university and said that if that train missed you, that’s it! She went on to say that there’s a reason the men who weren’t snatched up are still there and available.  Lol, I can see where she’s coming from with that bit.  I remember one guy in particular who I had the misfortune of thinking was ‘someone.’  I’m all for equality and holding my own but come on, you’re really going to remind me who bought lunch last and whose turn it is this time?  Lol.  It all seemed normal but then his cheapness manifested in so many ways that I realized it really wasn’t about us both putting in versus relying on one person.  He was just damn cheap and that’s all there was to it.  Just imagine what the girl he ends up with will have to endure if they have kids…”It’s your turn to buy diapers. I bought them last time.” Haha

You have another type of guy.  Some girls have daddy issues.  Well, some guys have mommy issues. They’re consumed with trying to find their mother in a girl.  I am no one’s mother.  Don’t come looking in my direction for a two in one deal.  Better look elsewhere for that because you’ll be very disappointed if you expect me to baby you like your mother.  You also have the ‘Remember I had told you I have a girlfriend?’ type of guy trying to squirm his way out when he’s been found out.  No sweetheart, that’s not the type of thing that would slip someone’s mind.  Lol. If you must lie, make it good.

You have so many types. You just have to learn to deal with the ones who come your way and develop good radar. Some will fool you initially, but sometimes there are those who right off the bat you can tell are just no good. When those cross your path, RUN FOR THE HILLS or send them rolling down the hill…whatever works for you. Hehe

My friend and I also talked about the fact that once in a while a few good ones come around but you usually overlook them for some reason or the other.  I think sometimes it’s just that they have no edge to them.  It’s not that you want a ‘bad boy’ as thy say.  I have a little saying…I like someone with an edge but not too sharp.

On somewhat of a different tangent, when it comes to relationships be willing to listen to others but remember that at the end of the day you need to do what you think is right for you.  People can say what they feel about a situation and you can make it food for thought if you feel it is good and worthwhile advice, but do not do anything based solely on the opinions of others.  If you do that then you may end up regretting it bitterly.  The truth is, YOU and only YOU truly know the dynamics of your relationship. It’s not your friend, sister, mother, etc. in the relationship.  Do what makes you happy, while of course being wise.  Also, remember that not everyone means you well. There is a saying that goes, ‘Cockroach nuh business inna fowl fight.’  Everyone else lives their lives.  You live yours.