Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

 

Sometimes

They say nice guys finish last. Does that go for nice girls as well? Should ‘nice’ be out for 2018? You know how guys get friend zoned?  Well, I’m the girl who gets told a million times that she’s ‘wife material’ but despite that I’ve never even made it out the starter blocks lol.  My friends say I pick the wrong ones and so I’m to blame for that.  They could be onto something.  To be fair to myself, I don’t realize what they’re like initially, but that being said, they do give me signs early enough that should tell me to back up and walk away.  I think you have to be careful of what you put out there though. There is perhaps such a thing as being too nice and thus allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Funnily enough, men seem quick to give effort to females who aren’t quite sugar and spice and everything nice though. Go figure.

Let’s take a walk through what I will refer to as my series of unfortunate events, or at least some of them.  They certainly weren’t funny at the time, but now I can look back and have a good laugh at them. Side note before you get going- my definition of ‘talking to’ does not equate to boyfriend/girlfriend status. It’s just the initial phase where you’re interested and getting to know each other. None of these made it past that.


But I Told You
A mutual friend told me that the guy I was talking to had a girlfriend.  Well, imagine my surprise.  I of course asked him about it and was told, “But I told you.” You know I hit the roof, right?  First of all he had told me diddly squat about having a girlfriend and then had the gall to lie and say he did.  Come on, how would I forget something like that? To add insult to injury, HE went off on ME about it. Huh?  Despite that, after quite some time passed I was able to forgive (maybe not forget since here I am blogging about it) and we were actually able to be friends.  In his defense, he was young at the time. Well, not that youth is a free pass, but hey…


The Disappearing Act
This guy would call me several times a day, every day.  That in itself is rare, isn’t it? No one calls anymore. It’s strictly messaging.  Anyway, I noticed the calls totally stopped and he wouldn’t pick up when I called either.  That was strange as we hadn’t had any quarrels or so forth.  I tried messaging to ask what the problem was and even that got no response. Well, after a while I saw a friend of his. The person had no idea that there was any interest on either side and so forth, and that we had been communicating.  They casually brought him up and said he migrated to be with his girlfriend.  Migrated? To be with who?  The girlfriend who I thought was just an ex he no longer had any ties to?  Remember though that the person didn’t know his friend had been pursuing me and I wasn’t going to reveal that at this point.  Thank God for my time in the performing arts as I had to act very uninterested and nonchalant and just say, “Oh really? How come?” He let me know that his girlfriend had ‘filed for him’ and that his papers came through so off he went. Can you say shocked?  In case you’re wondering, I never heard from him again. Not…one…word…


She’s Just a Friend
This is another good one.  You know when you get a funny feeling?  There’s just a gut feeling that tells you something isn’t right?  Well there was a guy who was interested in me but there was a girl who he seemed to always be entertaining.  Everything said something was up; my gut and my female intuition.  He would always deny it and insist that they were just friends. I asked about her repeatedly and was always given the same answer.  It just didn’t sit well with me; I wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth so one day I decided I’d just ask her what was up with them.  I figured I could get the truth from her.  Man, I wasn’t ready for her answer.  Her response was, “We’re together”.  Whoa! Listen, if she had slapped me it couldn’t have been worse.  So he’s naming the children he would like to have with me in the future, but is over there ‘together’ with this girl?  Joke was definitely on me because I thought it was her who was ‘the other woman’. Who would have thought it was really me? Dwl. Coincidentally, fast forward to today and one of the names that he had his heart set on turned out to be the name my sister chose for my sweet baby nephew.  I was like, “Lord, you have a real sense of humour”.  But I’m glad that the name now has a special and happy meaning for me, because I love my nephew to the moon and back.

Needless to say, things ended with the guy. Funnily enough, despite the fact that both the girl and I had gotten a raw deal, she still found it in her to give me attitude. She told me that we would just have to see which one of us he chooses. Umm really? To this day I remember my words to her – “You’re the only one in that rat race.  I’ve excused myself from it.  I’m not giving him the opportunity to choose.” Well he ‘chose’ her and that was that.

I won’t even lie. I definitely did my share of bawling and moping for this one. Looking back though, I’m like you know you REALLY overdid the crying on that one, right?  Like REALLY.


I Like your Friend
I was on the phone with my friend one day and she said that the person I was talking to had just sent her a text. It wasn’t a big deal to me because we were all friends. “Oh okay, what does he want?” She nervously explained that his text said that he didn’t mean to hurt me but he was actually interested in her and not me. Wait, wait…I wasn’t ready for it. He said what? Now that one came out of nowhere. I definitely didn’t see it coming because this same boy had been acting like he was interested in me. This one was quite a blow. Well, he started pursuing her and eventually started feeling that she wasn’t what he was looking for so it went nowhere.

A few years later I saw him at a party and I got the most heartfelt apology. It was the usual about me being such a sweet girl who didn’t deserve any of what happened. He really did seem sorry, but what was done was done. This was several years ago. We have managed to salvage a friendship (yup, the nice girl in me) and he’s now happily married. At least someone got a happy ending, right?


Waiting on the Right Time

This one I actually had no interest in initially.  He just wasn’t my type but he worked his charm (serious charm), until I ended up being interested. We got closer and closer, and one day a friend of his said, “You know you two would be so cute together if he didn’t have a fiancée.” ‘This can’t be happening,’ I thought.  I held my tongue until there was no one around and asked him about this fiancée who I had just been informed of.  Yes, it was true. He said that he had been waiting on the right time to tell me. Like really? Really? It perhaps wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been chasing him, but I had been going about my life and he made every effort to get my attention, all the while knowing that he could offer me nothing.

I’m just over here now like Jesus take the wheel, cause clearly I’m not doing such a great job. I met up with a friend recently and she cried.  Cried…like real tears.  She said she wants me to experience happiness and have someone who knows my value and treats me well. “You’re the sweetest person and you deserve to be happy,” she said.  I can’t even remember ever seeing her cry before and I’ve known her since childhood. Must be really bad, huh? Lol. I was talking to another friend one day and he reminded me that I bring a lot to the table.  My response – “Umm yeah, I may bring a lot to the table but what am I supposed to do if no one wants what’s on the menu?” Now what do you say to that? Hahaha. For real though, but you know what? Till then I will eat alone.

 

Have I finally learned my lesson? I hope so, but I can’t promise that I won’t maintain some of my ‘nice girl tendencies’, because that’s who I am and there may just be someone who deserves that part of me and will value it. What I can promise however is that I will be more cautious going forward and take heed when the warning signs pop up.

I can only hope that there’s something awesome in store, because I think I’ve had my fair share of ridiculousness.  Until that comes (if it ever does) I have other things to focus on.  Right now I’m working on self-actualization; I have so much untapped potential, and that’s my own fault to a great extent.  I’d really like to find out what my passion is; what it is that makes me feel fulfilled, because really and truly figuring out that piece of the puzzle is major in the pursuit of happiness. Everything else will fall into place.

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Someone Come Get My Grandma

A little while back my grandmother had a far from subtle conversation with me about me taking the person I’m seeing to come and meet her. I had to stop her right there and tell her I am yet to meet him so there’s no way I can take him to meet her. How do I introduce her to a non-existent, mythical creature? Now she’s moved from that to asking me when she will have another great grandson. (My sister had the first and only great grandchild.) Can you tell me why my grandmother is watching my womb? Lol.

Below is a snippet from my conversation with her yesterday.

Grandma: Keep behaving and being the nice girl that you are and make sure you meet someone as nice as you are.

Usually she just tells me to behave and to be a nice girl. This time she had to throw in a little extra.

Me: Yes Grandma. You keep behaving too.

Grandma: And I hope soon I will get to meet my other great grandson. Ehem!

Bwahahaha. Can you say buss a big laugh?

Grandma: (Laughing) This is the first time I’ve heard you laugh like this. It sweet yuh!

Me: Well you’re giving me jokes.

Grandma: God spared me and allowed me to see my first great grandchild, and now I hope to see the other one.

Me: Bwoy Grandma…

Grandma: When are you coming to see me?

Me: Maybe on the weekend.

Grandma: Well, come with joy in your heart, and you can tell me about my great grandson.

Me: I hear you Grandma (more laughter)

Grandma could never begin to understand. I guess she’ll just have to continue waiting to be introduced to this mythical creature and continue watching my womb lol. I’m just over here doing me with no idea how anything will turn out.

The Good Shepherd

SheepMe looking for my shepherd like…

My friend and I were invited to church today. I really don’t go to church as often as I should and I didn’t want to disappoint the person who invited us, so to church we went! It actually was quite a good service. The pastor used the 23rd Psalm to kick off his sermon and then launched into the characteristics of a shepherd and sheep.  Of course the shepherd in this context is the Lord and the sheep would be us humans.  He said a shepherd is supposed to provide for you, protect you, love you, care for you when you are sick and so forth. Sounds like a good man, right? Lol. Tell me that crossed your mind too. Instantly my friend turned to me.

Friend: Shamieka…

*We exchanged knowing looks and laughed*

Pastor: Amen

Me and friend: AMEN!!!!! (in unison)

Yes, we need to get our acts together. There we are in church and totally twisting the lesson for our own (way off) interpretation lol but for real though, aren’t those some great qualities for a partner? I mean, we aren’t asking for too much, right? The Lord sees and knows that the struggle is real for us females. I’m knocking on 30’s door and I’m still in the wilderness looking out for a good shepherd. And trust me, I’ve been out there waaaaay longer than forty days and forty nights. Not to say persons haven’t crossed my path, but, hmm…

Perhaps in this case it’s the shepherd who’s lost and not the sheep (me), so if you happen to see my shepherd wandering around out there, please point him in my direction so we can head to the path of righteousness. Good shepherd, where art thou? BAAAAAAAA!

Not to worry, we paid attention to everything else in the service and took from it the meaning that we were supposed to. I think we’ll be making more frequent trips to church. 🙂

Tomorrow is Tuesday

keep-calm-yes-i-am-single

This morning I was tiiiiiired after an early flight, but  woke up at the crack of dawn, got dressed and headed downstairs to have breakfast. Feeling as though I looked the way I felt, it was so lovely to hear the kitchen staff tell me that I was beautiful. *Bats eyelashes* He asked where I was from too and very happily I told him, “Jamaica.”  Fellow Jamaicans, is it just me, or do you love telling people you’re from Jamaica?  Anyway, it was time to head out to the airport for another flight, and my cab driver was such a peach.  He told me I looked fresh like summer.  Whatever that means, yaaaay, I’ll take it as a compliment.  Y’all just boosting me up like Supligen. What a great way to start the day. Should just get better from there, right? Well, read on and let’s see.

We chatted on and on and he told me all sorts of colourful stories about his crazy ex-girlfriend and his daughters and their husbands. Picture him as that uncle everyone loves, and with a Spanish accent.  He was a real treat.  After hearing all about him and his life, he then turned the spotlight on me.

Driver: So what are you getting for Valentine’s Day tomorrow?

Me: That would be nothing. Tomorrow is just Tuesday for me.

Driver: Do you have a boyfriend? Husband? Kids?

Me: No to all.

Driver: Well you’re young.  You have lots of time! No worries.

(Yup there go my genes working in my favour; I’m looking youthful as ever lol.)

Me: I’m 28.

(Dropping my age was a game changer because all I got next was a long silence lol. Bear in mind that before this he had been talking like a parrot, then all of a sudden the cat got his tongue)

Driver: Ahhh well you know what they say. Tick, tick, tick, especially when you’re a woman.

Well thanks for the reminder, lest I had forgotten lol. First my grandmother on my case and now a random cab driver. Tick, tick, tick. Sorry, but tomorrow is ‘just Tuesday’ for me lol.  Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovebirds in advance!!!!

Picky? Crazy?

trey

Chances are if you’ve been single for a while or you’re a particular age and single, people tell you one or both of these things:
1) You’re too picky.
2) There must be something wrong with you (maybe you’re crazy).

‘Picky’
Well I suppose I can be, but is it picky or is it just having standards? That, and there are just certain qualities or characteristics that I find attractive.  Nope, I’m not going to list them. Why?  Because if there’s a guy reading this who’s planning on approaching me, I’d like him to come as he is, and not try to conform to who he thinks I want him to be.  True colours are bound to show at some point, so let’s just keep it real from the start.

My ‘Prince Charming’ doesn’t even need to be drop dead handsome.  I’m fine with ‘attractive enough so that I want to take a second look.’ Lol. On that note, I was having a conversation at lunch time with my co-workers and I told them that cologne works wonders.  It can transform a man into Trey Songz (yup that’s my honey *swoons*).  Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating about the ‘transformation’ lol buuut a guy could be not the most attractive person, but when he splashes on some good cologne it can work magic.  #pow Luckily, another female backed me on this so it seems I’m not too strange after all. Guys, don’t OD on the cologne now :p A little goes a far way.

You know what?  I’m not even that demanding girl who needs or expects to be spoiled.  If I was, I would have jumped at the offers throughout my lifetime.  Sure, I suppose it makes things somewhat more exciting but all I really ask for is time, and not a lot of it either because I do like my space.  Not like ‘crazy cat lady like my space’ though.  It’s not that bad (at least I don’t think so).  If you have no time for me and I’m just on the wayside, that’s not going to work.  That will make me reassess.  I ask for far too little to not get the one thing I think I deserve – time.

‘There must be something wrong with you’
Hmmm, I don’t profess to be perfect.  Lord knows I do have my flaws, but I don’t think they’re that bad that I can’t be accepted flaws and all. Right? This is where you should all agree with me. Good! 🙂 There is one thing that I do which I know people may find frustrating. If I’m really hurt or upset about something, I shut down. Yes, Ms. Big On Communication shuts down.  Doesn’t make sense right?  To clarify, it’s not something I do in all situations. I only do it when I think the reason I’m upset is clear as day; this is when there’s no way the other party should be clueless as to what the issue is and asking me what’s wrong.  Ladies, you’ve experienced this before, right?  Anyway, what ends up happening?  I’m frustrated and annoyed because the other person doesn’t get it, and then they’re frustrated and annoyed because I won’t say what it is. I don’t think you have to be the most intuitive person to understand me.  My take on it is simply that you can’t do something that is clearly going to get to me and then turn around and ask me what’s wrong. It doesn’t take Dr. Phil to get it. Just be a considerate human being.  When you’re saying or doing things, just remember that I have feelings.  That’s it…that’s really it.

Picky? Crazy? None of the above? Well, whatever the case is, I guess ya’ll are stuck with me.

Quarter Life Crisis Mode

my-friends-are-i7cn1q

As weddings/engagements and babies continue to flood the timelines of all my social media accounts, I wonder if there’s a memo that I didn’t get.  Everyone is #chillingwithbae (I hate that word by the way. Why did we go from babe to ‘bae’?) and #twobecamethree while I’m over here like #workflow.  I was at a good friend’s baby shower recently, and this was the topic of conversation as I sat chatting and catching up with high school friends.  We also spoke about how some of the girls getting married were genuine shockers because in high school they were known for being… well, you know, a bit on the loose side.  How then was it that these same girls are now sporting wedding rings? Well, high school was a long time ago, and people do change.  If they haven’t changed, hmm *sips tea*

So back to this memo. When was it issued? Did I get one but not notice it? Did I discard it somewhere in pursuit of fulfilling other important goals? I need answers. You know what?  I suppose it’s on me. I haven’t exactly created the ideal environment for meeting Prince Charming (He does exist, right?).  Here’s my life in a nutshell – work, home, supermarket.  How on earth did I go from looking forward to going out and having fun to being such a house rat?  I looooove staying in, so much so that it should be a crime (No really, it should be. It’s really bad; just give me Netflix and I’m fine).  I give in on rare occasions and agree to go out with friends but when the day comes I start wondering what the hell I was thinking and why on earth I agreed to go.  Unless Prince Charming shops at my supermarket and we happen to meet in an aisle, there may be no fairy tale ending to this story.  Plus, if I’m honest with myself I suppose I’m picky.  Not overly so (my cousin would disagree), but if I’m moving from ‘me’ to ‘we’ something has to be pretty darn special about you.  I’ve gotten so used to my own company that you better come with a hell of a resume if you want to be considered.  Oh gee, that sounded kinda ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ lol. Not very enticing.  No wonder Prince Charming hasn’t come out of the magic forest yet.

How about this though?  How about no more living in quarter life crisis mode? No more wondering if I’m on schedule or not.  How about just seizing the day and seeing where each day takes me?  Carpe diem, let’s give it a try…

The Chronicles of Mommy and Me: Keeping it Real

Life Lesson

There’s never a dull moment with my mother.  We were driving the other day and had this conversation:

Me: Mommy that man in the truck beside us keeps staring at me. Ughh. Its so annoying

We drove for a bit and he pulled up beside us and gave me a big smile.  Men will catch me at one of two extremes depending on my mood; smiling and very pleasant or annoyed.  Unfortunately for this man it was the latter.  I gave him a sour face accompanied by a nod to acknowledge him.

Mommy: The man must be thinking ‘What an unpleasant girl.’

Me: (shocked and laughing) Seriously Mommy?  You should be on my side and thinking what a creep.

I went on to say I hate when they ask for a minute of my time.  Seems I was on a roll being a real sourpuss lol.

Mommy: (laughing) You know how he probably had to work up the courage just to smile with you?  That’s why sometimes you see ugly men with good looking girls and you wonder how they ended up together.  You know why?  He had confidence and approached her!

Me: (cracking up) Alright Mommy, enough of you now lol

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